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Killing the trauma bond

‘How do I stop caring?’

It’s a question I hear over and and over again. And the answer crushes me. Because it goes against everything I want to give people to help them on their road to growth and wellness.

To break the trauma bond, we have to remove hope. We have to take away any glimmer or grain of hope that the person we love or loved will be who we thought they were. We have to fully extinguish any little ember of thought there is that one day that person we held in such high regard, whom we looked to for love, support, acceptance or safety; will see the distress and injury they have caused and apologise.

A narcissist is highly unlikely to ever do that. And to break that trauma bond we have to accept that. We have to know that their abuse to us isn’t personal. That we could have been anyone to them (whether they are parent, partner, friend or colleague), that none of this is about us the individual and ALL about them and their need for narcissistic supply.

To stop them hurting you, to defend against hoovering, to give us the best chance of escape, we have to kill hope. Crush it into oblivion and let it go. Or maybe divert the hope for them to an internal place where we can have hope for us.

Because ultimately that’s what it’s about. Creating a life of happiness and hope without the narcissist having any residual control.

Be kind to yourselves, have a great weekend ❤️

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