Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see it until now? How could I have done this to myself and my children? These are the questions I hear from abuse survivors ALL. THE. TIME. They blame themselves for being abused. They take responsibility for the behaviour of their abuser. They carry soul crushing [...]
Tag: Therapy
Self Gaslighting
Self Gaslighting Buckle up, this is going to be rough….trigger warning for emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse. Possibly also triggers around minimising and micro aggressions to self. Okay, there’s the triggers out the way. If I’ve left anything out please let me know and I’ll add them in. This is something I want you to [...]
Mental illness isn’t an excuse to abuse.
There is a permanent struggle with clients over whether the behaviours narcissists exhibit are in intentional. There’s a deeper struggle around the fact that narcissism is listed in the DSM, which officially makes it a mental illness. Society is shifting towards an understanding and awareness of mental health issues and conditions. There’s a growing acceptance [...]
DNA doesn’t equal a right to abuse.
You do not have to tolerate abuse or toxicity from anyone. ESPECIALLY those you share DNA with. In fact. I would offer that rather than being more ready to ‘forgive’ someone from your blood family, perhaps they should have to work harder to earn your presence and trust. Because it is within the bonds of [...]
Good enough is good enough
Raising kids is really really hard. There’s a constant push pull between letting them fall and helping them fly, not to mention an attempt to retain some identity other than X’s Mummy. So here are a few things I want to tell you about attachment theory: If they cry when you leave, it’s a good [...]
The gift of Emotional Space
Oh this. My family has experienced what could be described as more than our fair share of bereavement. It never fails to amaze me that people seem scared to mention their names in case they upset me. I understand that, but actually, I would rather talk about them and be upset and share the pain [...]
The complementary moral defence.
The Complementary Moral Defence Those that know, know that the narcissist believes they are the epitome of perfection. That when someone has a problem with the narcissist’s behaviour, it is THEIR problem, not that of the narcissist. It can be the most frustrating thing about interacting with a narcissist, they never accept responsibility, they devalue, [...]
Mental Health Awareness Week. Month. Year. Lifetime.
So it’s mental health awareness week. I’ve been thinking about what I can post to be part of this worldwide movement, but I’ve been really struggling. And speaking to someone earlier today has helped me clarify why. It’s because it seems so reductive to draw attention to an international, perpetual crisis for a week. One [...]
Love Bombing
Hello! It's a quiet Friday this week, which is welcome after the load I carried last week, so I'm taking it easy and catching up on bits and pieces, and ignoring other bits and pieces....it's quite nice 😉 I've been wanting to write about this for a while now, so here is a blog on [...]
Be kind to yourself…
YES. Be kind to yourself. It doesn’t matter if anyone has it worse, (in your eyes) or it could be worse, or it’s over with or any other reason you might find to minimise your experience. Emotional events are HARD. There is no ‘should’ to how you feel, how long you have felt, how long [...]
