Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see it until now? How could I have done this to myself and my children? These are the questions I hear from abuse survivors ALL. THE. TIME. They blame themselves for being abused. They take responsibility for the behaviour of their abuser. They carry soul crushing [...]
Tag: help
Self Gaslighting
Self Gaslighting Buckle up, this is going to be rough….trigger warning for emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse. Possibly also triggers around minimising and micro aggressions to self. Okay, there’s the triggers out the way. If I’ve left anything out please let me know and I’ll add them in. This is something I want you to [...]
Mental illness isn’t an excuse to abuse.
There is a permanent struggle with clients over whether the behaviours narcissists exhibit are in intentional. There’s a deeper struggle around the fact that narcissism is listed in the DSM, which officially makes it a mental illness. Society is shifting towards an understanding and awareness of mental health issues and conditions. There’s a growing acceptance [...]
DNA doesn’t equal a right to abuse.
You do not have to tolerate abuse or toxicity from anyone. ESPECIALLY those you share DNA with. In fact. I would offer that rather than being more ready to ‘forgive’ someone from your blood family, perhaps they should have to work harder to earn your presence and trust. Because it is within the bonds of [...]
Good enough is good enough
Raising kids is really really hard. There’s a constant push pull between letting them fall and helping them fly, not to mention an attempt to retain some identity other than X’s Mummy. So here are a few things I want to tell you about attachment theory: If they cry when you leave, it’s a good [...]
Mental Health Awareness Week. Month. Year. Lifetime.
So it’s mental health awareness week. I’ve been thinking about what I can post to be part of this worldwide movement, but I’ve been really struggling. And speaking to someone earlier today has helped me clarify why. It’s because it seems so reductive to draw attention to an international, perpetual crisis for a week. One [...]
Be kind to yourself…
YES. Be kind to yourself. It doesn’t matter if anyone has it worse, (in your eyes) or it could be worse, or it’s over with or any other reason you might find to minimise your experience. Emotional events are HARD. There is no ‘should’ to how you feel, how long you have felt, how long [...]
Narcissistic parents and the complementary moral defence.
I love the words in this image, because we repeat what we know even if that means ending up in abusive situations. The biggest problem with this is that when there is parental narcissistic abuse, sometimes those who have suffered don’t realise until they’re a LOT older and have already experienced abusive relationships. Narcissistic parents [...]
Valuing the right person
🙌🏼❤️ I read this and thought YES!!! Exactly! And then something niggled. And as I’ve learned to do, I stopped and let the niggle grow. Instead of squishing it down I listened. And here’s what that was about. When we allow our worth to be determined by others, it will never be enough. Constantly looking [...]
Divorce isn’t failure. It’s success.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Not for me, but for a couple of people nearby. The word I hear so often when it comes to the end of a relationship is ‘failure’. What?!? The WHOLE relationship was a failure? I can’t believe that, because you would never have married them or stayed [...]
