Month: April 2019

Categories
Autism Uncategorized

Autism Awareness – Communication 3/3

Okay, so today is all about Autism and communication.

I’m mildly optimistic that this won’t be terribly long, because in parts one and two, I have addressed non verbal cues, social cues, and meltdown behaviour.

In children autism is often indicated by a verbal delay, but from my experience, this isn’t always a strong indicator. I know many autistic children who have hit every milestone or even been way early on them.

What I have experienced, and which is also an indicator, for High Functioning Autism (formerly called Aspergers) is the ‘mini professor’ type of speaking. A vocabulary and turn of phrase usually attributed to adults.

For those further onto the ‘spectrum’ verbal communication may be non-existent (known as non-verbal), or may they may exhibit something called ‘selective mutism’. This means they choose or are unable to communicate verbally in certain situations.

If you are with someone who is non-verbal, or has selective mutism, never for a moment think they aren’t communicating. As a wise speech and language therapist friend said to me, ‘everyone is communicating all the time, whether they are speaking or not.’

It seems so obvious, but certainly my clients will tell you that I often notice to them a look that’s flashed across their face, the jiggle of their leg, their crossed arms, even a smile or a giggle, and ask what is happening in that moment.

Those non-verbal cues clients give me are telling me that there’s something they’re not saying. And often what they’re not saying is really really important.

So when you meet someone who has difficulty communicating verbally, look at the bigger picture and try and notice what they’re not saying. Remember the bit about stimming? Well, if you notice someone using a stim, perhaps they’re feeling anxious and need the environment or conversation to change.

Yesterday I explained that autistic people struggle with social filters and that when we give an instruction, we need to strip away all the unnecessary detail so they can process it better.

This also applies when we ask questions or are in conversation with them. Autists sometimes have difficulty processing information in order to give the necessary response, and neuro typical people often make the mistake of thinking they haven’t understood, so either repeat the question, or pose a different question, unwittingly doubling the task of processing, and overwhelming the autist with too much information to filter through.

To help someone with this, you can just wait. Allow them time to filter and process so they can answer. Get comfortable with the silence, and give them space. It’s such a little thing, but it will reduce the chance of meltdown and overwhelm.

Another co morbid trait is something called Echolalia. This is were someone repeats words from another person or a programme or film, by way of contributing to a conversation. It’s thought to be a coping mechanism and another way of communicating. Specifically to communicate intent to converse/contribute, or just because the repetition of the word or prhase makes the autist feel better, much like a stim.

So there we go. Some traits of autism explained. What’s most interesting for me is that they are presented so differently in each Autist, and just because we know one autist, it doesn’t mean we know them all.

Next week, I’m going to continue this series, looking at how to be a friend to a parent of an autistic child, the differences between girls and boys in autism,

Have a great weekend everyone, see you on Sunday for some self care

 

t2 06

Categories
Autism Uncategorized

Autistic Traits – Social Interaction. Part 2 of 3.

Me again! So yesterday I posted about the behaviours that might be considered autistic traits and how you can help accommodate them and help the autistic person. Today’s blog is about social interaction and how that impacts an autistic person.

As yesterday, please remember that within the diagnosis of autism, every single person is unique and may present in a different way.

As far as I can understand and see, social interaction is one of the biggest issues for autistic people. There’s often a belief that autistic people like to be alone, and don’t care whether they have friends, but that couldn’t be further from the truth for many.

Being able to relate to others is considered one of the most important factors when developing an emotionally healthy and meaningful life, so what happens when you find relating really hard?

Loneliness, confusion, isolation, depression, anxiety, self-loathing, low self-esteem and more.

So by understanding the following traits, you might be able to be a better friend/partner/colleague/parent to an autistic person.

  1. Non-verbal communication.

Neuro typical have this magic way of communicating by looking at each other. They can tell if someone is happy, angry, sad, disappointed, just by the way in which someone’s facial features are arranged.

Autistic people often can’t do that. Which makes life VERY hard, when someone makes a comment, and there is an implied context held within facial features! So when someone says something that seems mean but is actually sarcastic, the autistic person just hears mean. Or a deadpan/dry sense of humour can leave an autistic person feeling bewildered because they take it seriously.

The neuro typical non-verbal communication can be extremely confusing, and leave an autistic person feeling excluded, humiliated and stupid.

To help an autistic person, try avoiding being sarcastic, or being so over the top with the delivery they find it easy to interpret. If you’re in conversation and notice someone struggling to understand context, don’t draw attention to it, but perhaps make a joke ‘oh John, you’re so sarcastic sometimes!’. That way you will have communicated what’s happening to the autistic person without shaming them.

  1. Social Filters

Neuro Typical people have these inbuilt filters that allow them to function in social situations by filtering out the noise and environment, read the non verbal communication, and know when and what to say.

This is something Autistic people can really struggle with. They can be very straightforward, to the point of rudeness, although they won’t understand they’re being rude. (There’s a whole side bar here about empathy and the difference between cognitive and relative empathy, but that’s a different blog!!)

They can also get very overwhelmed by all the noise and lights surrounding them as we saw in the first blog, and so have a hard time focusing on the important parts of the conversation. This overwhelm can and often does lead to meltdown. In fact it’s also another reason autistic people can often struggle with executive function.

It’s long been understood that if you say to an autist ‘go upstairs, to room C, get the papers about the ground work from Sally, take them to Bob so he can read them and sign them off and then come back down and do 50 copies of this paperwork on drainage’ they will be totally overwhelmed, will be unlikely to complete all the tasks, and may get triggered into meltdown.

It would be more helpful to say ‘room C, Papers from Sally, give to Bob. 50 copies of this paperwork’.

See how much unnecessary information I’ve filtered for them? Even better, would be only giving one or two tasks at a time, and even better than that would be to ASK them what they need/can cope with.

When socialising with an autist, try to be as straightforward as possible. If they say something you consider rude, perhaps quietly explain to them what they said and why it was rude.

It is filters that can also prevent autists to be able to feel comfortable in a group situation, and as such means they can be very overwhelmed trying to follow lots of different conversational threads.

If you notice this happening for someone, perhaps suggest a breath of fresh air, or maybe just talk to them for a moment so they don’t have to battle to join in the group.

  1. Rules

Ahhh rules. Well. Rules are here to keep us safe aren’t they, and due to the black and white thinking of the autistic brain, some autists can be VERY rule abiding and find it very difficult when someone around them breaks the rules. In children this can be particularly difficult, because you’re not the most popular person if you tell on others every time they commit a small infraction. In adults the same applies.

It’s difficult to say how to help someone in this instance, perhaps it’s about telling them they don’t need to worry about it because it won’t affect them, maybe it’s showing them that there are shades of grey in some rules, or maybe it’s just saying ‘yes you’re right, but it might make it more difficult for you if you tell someone else’.

Perhaps showing an autist the consequence of their own response helps them start to understand why it’s best to leave things alone.

  1. Social cues.

I’ve already talked about non-verbal communication, but this can go a bit further into social cues. The autist may struggle to know when you are bored of the conversation, meaning they don’t know when to stop talking, they can’t read a room, or know when they shouldn’t say a specific thing.

Being very clear with them, about your own needs, gently, explicitly but not unkindly can help them feel more secure with you and their ability to relate to you.

I’ve waffled on for ages now, so feel I should stop writing, even though I feel like I’ve missed out REAMS of stuff (sorry if you’re reading that and feel I’ve missed something vital, just pop it in the comments below!) but before I do I want to share this. Autistic people often struggle to form and maintain meaningful relationships, particularly friendships. This is thought to be largely due to the way in which they communicate socially, for all the reasons I’ve given above.

For me, that says, just as an autist is starting to feel safe and secure with someone, they trip up socially and are excluded/rejected.

Repeatedly. Every few years.

So if I can ask you anything at the end of this mammoth blog, it would be this. If you are upset or exhausted or struggling with someone socially who is possibly autistic, please talk to them and tell them. Explain clearly what you need to change so they can meet that need without feeling like they are foundering in the dark.

As ever, just, very simply, be kind.

<3IMG_3554.JPG

Categories
Autism Uncategorized

Autism Awareness – Behaviour

Hello!
So as I said yesterday on facebook, I wanted to run a series of blogs about Autism to raise awareness and understanding. Today’s blog is all about the traits we commonly see in autistic people, and how we can help people who face these challenges living in a world which is dominated by neuro typical thinking.
Autism is a wide condition (I struggle with the label disorder, as I think, especially for those classed as ‘high functioning’, it is largely a different way of operating and experiencing in the world, and on top of that, the word disorder implies it can be cured, which it can’t) and as such, the first thing to note is that everyone who exhibits autistic traits will be unique within their presentation. Not all people who have diabetes have the same problems, and the same can be said for autistic people.
So what are the autistic traits? Well, it might be easier to break the traits down into three sections. Behaviour, Social Interaction and Communication.
Let’s start with Behaviour.
Autistic people may have behaviour that neuro typical people find unusual or confusing. A lot of these behaviours are being used to self soothe, and calm the autistic person, and if you seem someone using them, it would be best to allow that person to continue what they are doing, as they are likely trying to cope with overwhelm, and avoid a meltdown.
As a quick aside, a meltdown is VERY different to a tantrum. Meltdown’s do not end because attention is withdrawn, whereas tantrums tend to. It is VERY dismissive and disrespectful to call a meltdown a tantrum, because the meltdown is there to release huge emotion and overwhelm. If you see someone in meltdown, or a parent/carer coping with someone in meltdown, ask what you can do, if anything at all. Parent’s especially face huge judgement around meltdowns in public places, such as supermarkets, because the assumption is the child is being denied something rather than the noise and lights are too much to bear on top of the other things that have happened that day.
Right. Rant over, on with the blogs!
The behaviours you might see are:
1. Repetitive body movements such as hand flapping, spinning, rocking, or what look like tics. These movements are often referred to as ‘stimming’, which is short for self-stimulatory behaviour. They are used to help calm the individual down. If you’ve ever found yourself jiggling your leg, tapping a pen or other repetitive behaviour, that would be considered stimming too. Sometimes autistic people need to stim in public, and whilst children may be able to do it with out consciousness of others, adults might find themselves doing it subtly so as not to draw attention to it.
If you notice someone stimming, please don’t ask them to stop, perhaps ask them if they need anything, or if something is making them uncomfortable, although that sort of question should be asked discreetly.
2. Typically, autistic people like things to be predictable and stable, and as such will prefer routines to be solid, doing things in a particular and exact order in order to meet that need. If you work with someone autistic, or if you are a friend, parent or carer to an autistic person, you could help them by giving enough warning if the routine is going to change. For example, if you have a meeting at 9.30 every morning, and one morning it will be moved to 10.30, you could give them a few days notice to get used to the idea. It would be best to ask them themselves how much notice they need to get used to change.
3. Another indicator of autism is intense interest in specialist subjects. When an autist finds their subject they will become very very focused (known as hyper focused) on it, and find it very difficult to move away from the subject when they are engaged. If you remember my post yesterday, I shared an image explaining tendril theory. Tendril theory explains what it’s like for an autistic person when you ask them to stop what they are doing without any warning. As I explained above, change is difficult for autistic people, and therefore as much preparation as possible should be given. As a fair warning however, sometimes too much notice can actually have the opposite of the intended affect, and cause an increase in anxiety. It’s a difficult line, but with adult autistic people, please just ask them what their specific need is.
4. Autistic people can experience sensory stimuli very differently. For example, eye contact, noise, pain, smell, textures and touch can be very overwhelming. I know of a child who walked around on a broken leg for 2 weeks before mentioning his leg hurt. That’s because he experienced big pain differently to neuro typical people. That same child also screamed bloody murder when they got a paper cut, for the same reason.
Autistic people find eye contact very challenging, because they are not able to process and filter the verbal communication at the same time as the visual communication. Temple Grandin wrote a brilliant book about the autistic brain, and in it she has a brain scan. The findings (which you can Google or buy the book!) showed that the nerves that process vision were much more enhanced or developed than the control brains. This explains both her brilliant vision, and her difficulty holding eye contact.
Many clothing stores are now bringing out autism friendly clothing, because they recognise that seams, labels, buttons and materials can trigger huge sensory overload, and making sure that autistic people have access to this type of clothing makes living in a neuro typical world a lot easier.
Helping someone with sensory overload means allowing them to retreat if they need to. In schools there is often a safe space created so the child can calm themselves down and I feel like this should be available in all communal spaces. Avoiding hand driers, cleaners, obligatory touching (such as handshakes) are all helpful to avoid sensory overload. In adults, the boundaries are somewhat different, because as in children this is all unique to the individual, but in adults, somehow they are often expected to put their autism aside and meet the needs of neuro typical people.
Given how much distress that causes, it’s not very fair is it?!
I started this blog intending to cover all three aspects, but I’ve written so much about behaviour, and because I don’t want to cut any out, I’m going to separate this into three blogs. So tomorrow, I will explain about social interaction in autism. Whilst I’ve touched on it here, it’s a big subject on it’s own, and as such deserves more space.
As ever, please don’t hesitate to ask questions, and please remember to respect the experience of others <3
IMG_3556