It’s a quiet Friday this week, which is welcome after the load I carried last week, so I’m taking it easy and catching up on bits and pieces, and ignoring other bits and pieces….it’s quite nice 😉
I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while now, so here is a blog on Love Bombing.
I often get asked: ‘what’s the first sign of a narcissist?’ and whilst there are lots of answers around the behaviour, the most obvious sign of a narcissist is the Love Bomb.
So what is it?
Love bombing is basically idealisation on an epic scale. Love bombing is where the narcissist will shower the recipient with platitudes and gifts, telling them that they are the person they’ve always wanted to meet. That they are amazing, perfect, the answer to all their problems.
The love bomb lasts as long as is necessary to pull the victim in, and get them hooked.
It’s the first step in the cycle of narcissistic abuse, and a technique the narcissist will come back to over and over again, just when you think you’re getting away.
So how can you spot love bombing?
I always think the age old rule of ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is’ is what to apply in this situation.
If someone (whether romantic, parental, friend or colleague) is complimenting you in ways that seem disproportionate for how long you’ve known them, that’s a RED FLAG!!
If someone is giving you unexpected gifts, promotions, opportunities that don’t quite make sense, that’s a RED FLAG.
If someone is lauding you to others, telling them how amazing you are, in front of you or not, despite not actually knowing you that well, that’s a RED FLAG.
The thing about love bombing, is that it won’t work very well on those who have good boundaries and high self esteem, and secure attachment, but it will work on those who have struggled for those things, unless they are aware of their own relational patterns, and need to be loved.
Don’t get me wrong. We all want to be loved, but if we want it so much that it means we ignore our intuition, then we might get in trouble, and be vulnerable to the effectiveness of love bombing. And our intuition is key. If there is something saying ‘this is a bit off’, LISTEN. Don’t dismiss it, don’t let them gaslight you into thinking you’re paranoid, listen and reflect. It can be too easy to want this to be real, and that leads us to ignoring our gut.
So when we meet someone new, in whatever circumstances, if we have been a victim of narcissistic abuse before, we have to be aware, that we could be again, and that narcissism comes in many different guises, so even though we think we can spot one a mile off, we might not.
There is a caveat to this though. There are times, where love bombing can be genuine, and the key to knowing when that is, is whether it’s a sustained practice. Because the narcissist will move quite quickly from love bombing to bread crumbing as soon as they have you hooked. And it is these behaviours together that create the trauma bond. If the love bombing is genuine, it won’t stop. it won’t deviate or be withdrawn altogether, and you can trust it 🙂
So that’s a brief (!) synopsis on love bombing, next time I’ll write about bread crumbing, but in the interim, any questions?
Have a great weekend, be kind to yourself xx