I read this and thought YES!!! Exactly! And then something niggled. And as I’ve learned to do, I stopped and let the niggle grow. Instead of squishing it down I listened.
And here’s what that was about.
When we allow our worth to be determined by others, it will never be enough. Constantly looking to or for others to recognise our worth disempowers us and empowers those around us.
Particularly when there are those struggling with their own insecurities and issues they might hide by behaving in a way that belittles and demeans us.
And so whilst the first part of this statement is true, and we should forget trying to be enough for those who won’t ever value us; and even though the second part is true too, it’s not someone else who gets to say you at your worst is enough.
Measuring our self worth using someone else’s barometer means we don’t always know what the temperature is. We don’t know how we are doing and we are using someone else’s tool to know ourselves.
So make sure that the right person is measuring your self worth, because they hold the key to your confidence, self esteem and resilience.
Make sure that the person measuring you at your worst knows that your flaws are what make you imperfectly perfect. Your down days only serve to feed your up days. Your needs, desires, loves and dislikes are all what makes up the wonderful uniqueness of you.
Make sure that person measuring you sees that you are more than so called positive character attributes, and that sometimes your ‘weaknesses’ facilitate your greatest strengths. For example, your depression or anxiety might make some people stigmatise you, but those things enable huge compassion, kindness and empathy for others.
Make sure that the person measuring you recognised that your bent to impatience is what drives you being the person to get something done, and your pedantry means you never miss a train/plane/automobile.
Make sure the person measuring you understand that to measure you is to know that nothing about you stands in isolation. You are a sum of all parts and the sum adds up to a whole.
Make sure they truly see you. Because the only the right person can do all those things. Only they can see the whole picture.
And guess what? Spoiler alert!
The right person is you.
#therapy #selfworth #loveyourself